Decisions, Decisions…

Seven years ago, I stepped out in faith leaving an incredibly lucrative position in pharmaceutical sales to pursue my desire to become a physician. And in doing so, I lost EVERYTHING. I’m telling you everything… my wonderful home, my 401k (which was looking pretty nice), my great credit… not to mention, I was so focused on this goal that I’m not sure I made time and space available in my life to “meet someone.” And may I also note that I had zero debt prior to this pursuit, and now I’m carrying around a good chunk of it in student loans and to my folks.

At the beginning of this year, I finally let go of all aspirations of a career in the medical field and I stepped out in faith with an open heart fully surrendered to whatever God had for me…

And He has blown me away.

The last seven years included rejection after rejection… and just when I thought it was over, came another… but in just five months He has blown my mind with acceptance after acceptance… and just when I think it’s too good to be true, another…

And the cry of my heart has been stability. In a relationship, in a home, in a career… something… anything.

And on the same note, I’ve felt the burden to restore all that I’ve lost and eradicate my financial debt… after all, that is the responsible thing to do, right? And I believe I am an incredibly responsible person…

But when the opportunity for stability and responsibility presented itself just a few weeks ago working as a Graduate Admissions Manager for the Daniels College of Business at the University of Denver, I begrudgingly accepted.

Because there is another cry of my heart that has been buried deep but has been surfacing… one of adventure and risk…

And literally within 24 hours of my grumbling turning to joy, God blew me away with an acceptance to the Harvest School of Missions. I was floored and though I had wanted this so bad, the confusion with my recent change of heart and having let go of the possibility stifled my excitement and joy.

I had two wonderful opportunities to choose from and am grateful for friends who believed and prayed that both would work out in my favor. But it came down to one and I wish I was sharing this with sheer joy and excitement that I am headed to Mozambique, Africa in October to attend the Harvest School of Missions… I so want to be bursting forth with joy…

But the part of me that desperately wants comfort and stability and security… to do the most responsible thing… to do what makes sense… is screaming loud and clear…

Not to mention that with the decision I’ve made comes a new level of faith that I’m learning is so much easier said than done… and part of that includes standing firm in it in spite of the lack of support from some of those dearest to me…

And I confess that the decision I’ve made doesn’t make sense in my head… but my heart knows, it knows…

I KNOW I am following my heart, which only means one thing… I am following HIM.

And while it doesn’t make sense, I know that the one thing in my life that makes the most sense is Jesus and His unending, unconditional love for me.

So the decision to follow Him and fall deeper into His love is the right one… Every. Single. Time.

The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing.  –Blaise Pascal

This was on my place setting one evening for dinner while visiting my bestfriend Leah and her family. Sweet Kate, her six-year old daughter, drew a picture for each of us. But what was super special for me… I was the only to receive a heart next to my name. ;)
From my journal on 7-6-11.
Habakkuk 2
The Message
1 What’s God going to say to my questions? I’m braced for the worst. I’ll climb to the lookout tower and scan the horizon.
I’ll wait to see what God says,
how he’ll answer my complaint.
2-3And then God answered: “Write this.
Write what you see.
Write it out in big block letters
so that it can be read on the run.
This vision-message is a witness
pointing to what’s coming.
It aches for the coming—it can hardly wait!
And it doesn’t lie.
If it seems slow in coming, wait.
It’s on its way. It will come right on time.